Status: single/married/seperate/in a relationship/rich/poor/religious (specify religion)/gay/kinky/boss/subordinate/

Status is a matter of curiosity, I discovered that fact over the weekend. And felt like the paparazzi was following me and I'm Kate Moss..........no not funny.........actually some of it is.

I have a profile on a networking site where all my friends are listed. Some are from way back, some I met at parties, some are people I got along at work with so I allowed them to have a little window to know what I'm about. Its really quite a timepass to see some of my irresponsible/flunky friends from school and college become responsible people.

On my profile it showed some information that I thought was unimportant. It said I am single!!!! - what i dint know was it was such a matter of curiosity. Not realizing that my action to just not display that fact would have my inbox bombed!!!! And my phone also spammed!! I was amused and horrified at the same time. So I did try to explain to a few of them but then decided that I dont have to do this. And at some point I started to get really irritated. So I've let it be.

The experience was incredible though. The fact that so many people get a kick about knowing whether you are single/married/seperate/in a relationship/rich/poor/religious (specify religion)/gay/kinky/boss/subordinate/...........okay thats a bit much but you get the picture. I cant deny that maybe i would react the same way if i were the audience but this one was an eye opener.

Addiction to Life

I think i am what I am because I have a terrible addiction to Life and everything that comes with it. I wouldnt miss want to miss an experience that I could remember for a lifetime. Ofcourse that means taking responsibility for all ones actions because there are good and bad things bound to happen. And sometimes the result of an action can be quite the opposite of how you wanted them to be. Thats the painful part. But we all seem to bounce back somehow.

Having said all of the above - we all have an urge to hold on to the past and punish the present. Thats the worst type of exsistance one can have. Because even though we may have the choice of enjoying everything the moment has we are too busy already making judgements and assumptions about our entire Life. How can anyone do that to themselves? I do it sometimes. Then i say - never say never. All this is too good to miss and I'm greedy. Why should I miss a chance in life that I may not have again.

I am the result of my circumstances. Completely.??. No some of that is just some choices I made. Some good, some bad, some just because I wanted to see what happens. Yes. i'm chicken sometimes. Terrified sometimes. Coward?....dont remember being one. But always tried to do the right thing and thats where I got killed!

Save a song

Bird song, rain and green (a few million shades) is what I will remember most about my last trip (besides an aching butt from cycling down a very rough path)

The birds don’t acknowledge you because you are not meant to be there. They just go about their business – picking worms, cleaning beaks, singing, once in a while checking your distance and intent - and you are expected to keep out of their way. Of course they know that you exist near by knowing fully well that you cannot fly! - and therefore cannot harm them.

Birds have a sound for every occasion (I think they have more value for simple things too). Sign of food, happiness, finding their kind, everything is marked by a song/sound. And none of its singing is ever futile. We on the other hand have wasted words and that comes to us so naturally. Saving a song only happens as a “Save As” on a computer and singing ones heart out only happens at karaoke night in the hope for perfection and not in pursuit of expression.

Moms!

They never see things the way you do. In this case it was a clearly printed t-shirt with the words right there. And she still dint see it.

I bought a really cool green shirt and it was a size too big. All I asked of mom was to exchange it for a smaller size and make sure the color was the same – pista green. I open out the t-shirt and it says – “Don’t F**K with Me”………I’m like mom what have you done? She has no clue what I’m referring to even as I hold it towards her and hope she reads it. All she says is – You wanted Green, I got you Green!

I actually had to read it out to her aloud. Something I would have never imagined I would have to do. I went back and forth about exchanging again or keeping it. I’m keeping it. Only because my mom got it for me :-)

Lost and Found (twice)

It’s a little strange to meet a senior from school after 20 some odd years and then meet his son who is a Xerox of the father. I met a real charming little six year old who cannot sit still even when he was eating. Shucks, I’m getting old. But as long by first name I’m okay!
Except when you get to know the little fellow you realize that he has own mind and knows that he the route he wants to take going up on the large sofa where everyone is parked.

Last Cigarette

My last cigarette happened last night – just like that. Smoking was making me crazy. If I had any time at all I would light up and the 15 minutes of sucking up nicotine also gives one time to think. And I don’t want to. I’m not treating this as a major life changing event like some of my friends are but I guess when you’ve been killing yourself softly for some years, they are happy with your decision to stay on (healthier?! Not longer please)…..though I must admit it did fill up some empty times for me and I will miss it just for that.

There are just so many times in a day that I’m grateful everything I have. Which doesn’t make me a saint. Just trying to be real. One has to keep reminding themselves that it’s all worth it if it’s been hard earned. We all have more value for the things we struggled for. Anything that came easy went easy as well.

Okay I’m not going to be on this topic after this and no sermons to other smokers about why they should quit. Everyone needs to find their reason.